Thread:TienShenLong/@comment-779290-20150912130557/@comment-779290-20150913165952

First here are some writing guidelines:

1. Entries on main pages should be factual. Opinions, comments, and discussions should go in forum posts.

2. Every sentence should start with the first letter of the first word capitalized and end with a period, question mark, or an exclamation point.

3. Each sentence should convey a single idea.

4. Using all capitals in a word is considered shouting and should almost never be used.

5. Using bold, italics, underlining, etc. for emphasis should rarely be used.

6. A comma either separates items in a list or clauses in a sentence. The clauses should be related and supporting the main idea of the sentence. Having more the a couple clauses usually results in a run on sentence which is hard for the reader to follow.

7. A colon denotes a list, an explanation or definition follows. Never use more than one in a sentence.

8. Parentheses separate addition information which is not essential to the sentence.

9. The word but denotes an exception to the previous part of the sentence. It should not be used to start a sentence. (Most dragons can fly, but some only have decorative wings.)

10. Less is better. Your writing will be easier to understand if you use less words. Most of what I have seen you write is three time longer than required.

11. Spend more time editing after your initial draft; especially for articles.

Second, here are specifics on the article:

1. Most of what you seem to be trying to say is opinion; that part should be separated and put in a forum or blog post. Only referable facts about Styx and Charon should be on the dragon page.

2. The comparitors in the first sentence should be: the name "Immortal" and the lore. This is parallel construction.

3. Between the first period and the second period you have an uncapitalized but at the beginning, two colons, two sets of parenthesis, alive used twice, entrance used twice, and random capitalization. Any ideas you are trying to convey are completely lost.

4. The phrase "bite me" is considered rude and certainly has no place in a main page article.

5. In the sentence beginning "No one returned" you have two sets of words separated by a comma. The words seem to be random and the meaning is unclear.

6. In the sentence beginning "Despite that" you have four sections separated by commas. I have no idea what you are trying to say here. You use the word "sewed" when you probably meant something else. The definition of sewed is created or mended a garment using needle and thread.

7. The sentences being "Anyway, death" and "If that" are disjointed. Since they address the same point they should be combined to a single sentence with 1/3 the number of words.

8. The last sentence is another comment which has no place in an article.